This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

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Friday, January 07, 2011

What was he thinking? Probably about himself.

Det Ch Supt Jonathan Hesketh got a special mention in The Daily Telegraph today after sending out a PSD version of the 12 Days of Christmas.

Most officers are fairly wary of the Professional Standards Department at the best of times. Despite knowing it is largely staffed by cops who were PCs once themselves, we all suspect that the superintendents there get a secret kick out of bringing one of us down.  In truth, for the most part, PSD tends to protect police officers against spurious complaints, and acts as a helpful filter for those complaints that are never going anywhere because they are based on misunderstandings of the law: the "wrongful arrest" complaint being a good example*.

Well thanks to Det Ch Supt Hesketh, officers in West Midlands now know with what casual scorn their disciplinary matters are met by the head of their PSD.  I am sure his 'carol' was supposed to act as a cautionary tale to officers that they could have disciplinary findings against them for any number of things.  In fact it appears to have gone down about as well as the head of Major Crime sending out a song filled with all the serious crimes W.Mids failed to prevent, ending, 'a rape victim suspended in a pear tree'.

Anyone who has the full text of the offending poem, please email it.  Whilst being sure not to breach your force's strict rules on confidentiality, of course.  I wouldn't want anyone being called up in front of a certain Det Ch Superintendent...

* Please note, I'm not saying Chris Jefferies did it, or didn't do it, or might not would have should have could have not done it not, only that his arrest was probably lawful.

'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.


Blogger MPS Probbie said...

A poster on IG's blog has it as:

"“On the twelve days of Christmas my colleagues gave to me -
12 gatsos flashing;
11 broken promises;
10 failures to investigate;
9 illegal intelligence checks;
8 failures to contact people;
7 failures to deal with people;
6 failures to collect evidence;
5 other failings;
4 promises on behalf of others;
3 unrealistic expectations;
2 failures to attend and
1 officer suspended in a pear tree”.

Not witty or catchy at all.

07 January, 2011 15:19

Anonymous Retired Sgt said...

Both these "Supts" need to be investigated themselves-It is surprising what pops up when a proper PSD investigation is started.

07 January, 2011 15:38

Anonymous DBRG said...


07 January, 2011 16:20

Anonymous DBRG said...

Poop. Got confused with the mad scramble that is IG's domain. Bah.
However, I don't think I'm as stupid as the author of that cretinous and hugely patronising 12 Days 'parody'.
What a nobber.

07 January, 2011 16:25

Anonymous Lance Manley- Former Stab Proof Scarecrow said...


Such a shame this has come on the day the Times and the Daily Mail commented on DCI Edwards' bold stance around the grooming of young women by Pakistanis.

08 January, 2011 02:15

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your PSD deal with spurious complaints?? Ruralshire Constabulary PSD don't deal with any complaints these days unless it's within their target radar of corruption or violence against the public. Everything else is for a local Inspector to deal with. Just like the so-called Personnel Department who leave personnel matters to Inspectors and the Duties Planners who leave duty planning to us too. What do these people do all day?

08 January, 2011 23:50

Anonymous shijuro said...

Our PSD hunt you down like a dog in the street...

We get contacts from PSD based on letters sent in by ex-wives even!

11 January, 2011 21:38

Blogger Hogdayafternoon said...

I suspect they're from the same school of policing that once gave me a bollocking for baling out of my office, grabbing the van keys and responding to an urgent assistance call. My `crime`? "I was a C/I and I wasn't taking in the strategic view". The fact that it was the only van available and I was the nearest officer, by several miles, didn't seem to figure. I decided not to explain `tactical`.

12 January, 2011 13:42


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