This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Saturday, October 30, 2010

This Time Last Year

Crime reduction is measured on the number of the same crimes on the same day the previous year.  This is because certain times of the year are peak for certain offences in certain areas, eg Halloween = Criminal Damage, New Year = Affray/fights, Summer = burglary, etc.

The brilliance of this system of measurement is that those seeking promotion to the lofty heights of Chief Inspector and above can use random fluctuations in weather or local events to claim grand successes in their operations to reduce crime. 

For example, last year October 31st was a Saturday, this year it's a Sunday.  Blandmore's Inspector In Charge of Being In Charge has drummed up some resources and an Op Order targeting antisocial behaviour on and around Halloween.  What's the betting that occurrences of late night teen drinking and criminal damage are right down this year, given that the big event is on a school night?  Likewise should it pour with torrential rain on Bonfire Night, what are the chances that levels of arson and fireworks in the street are a fraction of those last year?  Let alone massive factors such as the economy, or the holding/cancellation of local events that attract disorder and crime.

These minor factors should never get in the way of a good write-up, however, and I expect to see several inspectors gaining that happy extra pip as a result of fortuitous winds and FTSE indices.

Of course, it works the other way too.  Due to the budget restraints, there may be half the staff to resource these operations, just like nightclubs will have half the doormen and the Council no bank holiday contingency for taxi marshalls or road closures in problem areas.  So this year, we may be declaring an unusually high number of proactive operations as total failures and cancelling them forever regardless of their merits.

Welcome to Twenty-First Century Policing.



The problems faced by police officers on Halloween:



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'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.

15 Comments:

Anonymous R/T said...

First!

30 October, 2010 22:16

 
Anonymous Serpico said...

Wrong Blog R/T

31 October, 2010 08:10

 
Anonymous Lance Manley- Former Stab Proof Scarecrow said...

Whichever rank has ultimate veto on deciding whether an op was a success or not should SURELY be crafty enough to say "Yes Inspector Weasel, I accept there were less cases of broken windows on Halloween but surely that was because the majority of children within your patch didn't go out due to the violent sexual assault perpetrated the night before by a man who at that time hadn't been caught?".

But then again, the ACC/ Chief Super'/Super' who looks at the stats still has extra shoulder bling to achieve too and probably doesn't want to rubbish stats that look "good" and rock the boat.

31 October, 2010 08:39

 
Anonymous Refreshingly Frank said...

A mop’s view -

Yes, once again PC Bloggs has made a pertinent point and drawn attention in a witty and humorous way to a problem in the system that needed addressing and resolving. But how to resolved it?

A mop’s suggestion -

To just consider the number of recorded offences and relate it to the same day one year ago is a very crude way of measuring crime. Other factors need to be taken into account. For example the conditions that encourage or discourage crime, such as Bloggsy’s suggestions in the weather, the day of week, etc. Good suggestions and no doubt s/he has many others - plus many more; which makes the whole thing quite complex - too complex to be handled by the present system.

What is needed is a large civil service statistical department to conduct an accurate computerised analysis of the crime control (policing) activities of the police force - taking into account all the factors that effect the incident of crime; in short, a policing department to police the police, to check it’s performance and behaviour in an ongoing manner, and to promote or demote [ or even fire ] individual officers who fail to match expectation on their monthly reviews.

Thus would the statistical fluctuations, caused by irrelevant factors, be removed leaving only the officer’s performance on which they can be congratulated, or condemned - with a set percentage to be fired every month to provide interest and excitement among bored officers and ensure regular employment of new and enthusiastic recruits. Ah, the good ideas are really flowing from me today - well, it is cold and wet outside and it is Sunday, so I have little else to do. This time last year I was bungy jumping all day and had no ideas at all, just fear and dread (plus soiled pants - never again!)

I think one statistician per 20 officers would be about right, so as to give a really good in-depth analysis of the monthly review per officer that could last the whole day and go over every incident the officer had attended or dealt with; or lack of them. Just think of what a motivator that would be!

Or there could be a hit team check arrangement as per schools. Again, what a motivator.

And - it would help reduce the unemployment among statistician, which would in itself reduce white collar crime.

Money? In the early part of the last century all public sector workers had their pay and pensions reduced by 30%. This could be done again, on a sliding scale { using computers } with the lowest paid losing say 5% and the highest 40%. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind in the national interest. They get far too much at present.

But what do I know, I am just a mop, tax payer and a nice person.

:)

PS In view of some of the mentions of ‘stress’ made in PC Bloggs book, which I am now re-reading, I am writing a short but serious article on the subject which could be an absolute life saver to stressed persons.

31 October, 2010 17:31

 
Anonymous Bender Hunter said...

Newsflash, Shijuro goes on record as saying:

"..[CENSORED] doesn’t get me going… what can?..."

It gets you going, Shijuro ???

Ou of your own ,mouth you seem to condemn yourself with your Freudian slips. No doubt your doctor friend could tell you all about it.

31 October, 2010 20:25

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"PS In view of some of the mentions of ‘stress’ made in PC Bloggs book, which I am now re-reading, I am writing a short but serious article on the subject which could be an absolute life saver to stressed persons."


One of the easiest ways I know of reducing stress is to read the idiocy spewing from your pen. Many is the time your "logic" has reduced me to hysterical laughter thereby lowering my blood pressure.

Are you sure that you are not an ex Labour MP or home Office flunkey?

01 November, 2010 15:19

 
Anonymous painauchocolat said...

Refreshingly Frank:

"In the early part of the last century all public sector workers had their pay and pensions reduced by 30%. This could be done again, on a sliding scale { using computers } with the lowest paid losing say 5% and the highest 40%."

How would you implement this? Ask them nicely to sign new contracts?

"They get far too much at present."

I work in the public sector and earn just under £40k. Seeing as you're such an expert, just how much too much is this?

01 November, 2010 19:41

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

£40k is way too much.
cap all public sector pay at £27k.
you'll manage on that.
greedy bastards milk us all dry.

02 November, 2010 08:37

 
Anonymous painauchocolat said...

How do you know £40k is "too much" - you don't even know what I do?

And where did you get the figure of £27k from?

Or is it just a figure you've picked out of the air because it "sounds about right"? I bet it is.

And how would you cap all public sector salaries at this mythical £27k? Ask all public sector employees nicely to sign new contracts?

And how would you deal with the massive skills gap when public sector employees b***** off to the private sector to earn more for the same job?

As for "you'll manage on that." (sic), HOW DARE YOU? You don't know what I would or wouldn't "manage on".

I might be wrong, but it sounds like you haven't thought it through properly. And the insult at the end just makes your post look a little bit immature.

02 November, 2010 19:43

 
Anonymous Refreshingly Frank said...

.
The Mop Strike Back!

Anon

"Many is the time your "logic" has reduced me to hysterical laughter thereby lowering my blood pressure"

Glad I have helped you. I mention that positive stimulation (laughter) is a stress reliever in my article on stress - which is coming soon! :)

Painauchocolat

"contracts"? HA! Thatcher knew how to deal with contracts - as did Adolf. Ahhh, what happy days they were. :)

“I work in the public sector and earn just under £40k. Seeing as you're such an expert, just how much too much is this?”

You tell me what you do and I let you know. But under the wage cut idea [as per the last century] I think you would lose around 15% - say around £6k. That’s not so bad now is it - to save the nation. And as everyone would be the same, comparatively speaking you would not lose your place in the pecking order. Ahem, do you run a massive 4x4 and have several spare bedrooms that you’ll never use - hmmmm?

Anonymous said...

“greedy bastards milk us all dry”

You are absolutely right, but you really shouldn’t lower yourself into personal abuse. You never find me doing that. Tch.

Painauchocolat

“And how would you deal with the massive skills gap when public sector employees b***** off to the private sector to earn more for the same job?”

Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear, Ohhh deary deary me. You have clearly not worked in the private sector for many years, if ever!

There is mass unemployment in the private sector and has been ever since M Thatcher created it in order to reduce wages. It is very unlikely that you would find employment but if by an amazing stroke of luck (?) you did it would not be the same job and it would be at a very much lower rate. Just compare the rates of private security work such as door staff and Tescoes security staff with the police rates.

02 November, 2010 20:42

 
Anonymous painauchocolat said...

Not sure how we working for £6k less would save the nation... No, I don't drive a 4x4, although I do have one spare bedroom thanks.

Last time I worked in the private sector was 2 years ago, I worked there for 10 years. I shall be working in the private sector again from this Monday - thanks for your kind words of support. It is the same job, albeit on slightly lower pay (the conditions are slightly different).

And no, door staff and Tesco's security staff are not paid the same as the police - it's not the same job (although someone will no doubt troll that all police officers are "failed security guards").

03 November, 2010 18:56

 
Anonymous Frank said...

Painauchocolat

"Not sure how we working for £6k less would save the nation"

The UK has a serious national debt problem and reducing the public service pay and pensions would go a long way to resolving this. It happened in the last century (around 1920 I think) and it's going to happen in this. So we need to plan and budget for it now. I have.

"It is the same job, albeit on slightly lower pay"

Ah ha! Told you so!! So has your public sector job been privatised on lower money? What a rotten trick - you have my genuine sympathy.

We are way of topic so shall we cease less PC Bloggs gets annoyed? I await her next article with interest and high expectations - having read her book one and a half times I am an admiring fan of her. I wish she would write another.

:)

03 November, 2010 19:21

 
Anonymous painauchocolat said...

No, my job hasn't been privatised - I'm off to work somewhere completely different.

I think we should probably cease here, yes. I'm also looking forward to PC Bloggs' next article (and perhaps further jousting!)

:)

03 November, 2010 19:23

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I work in the public sector too. Without knowing what I do how can you possibly suggest that I am overpaid? I could go to the private sector and take my many years experiance and my expensive training with me. I would also probably take a darn sight less abuse than I do.
If the state wants competant trained staff it has to pay enough to keep them. It is a job Market the same as anywhere else. Simples.
Minty

04 November, 2010 21:49

 
Anonymous G. P. Brown said...

A very serious point is raised here.

If it is pouring with rain, or freezing cold I'm sure this affects what is likely to happen in terms of breaches of the law, as is pointed out above.

Rather than use this as an opportunity for advancement by deception is it not an opportunity to better target limited resources in the cat and mouse game of law and order on a regular basis by checking the weather forecast! (As long, of course, that this does not give rise to another whole department of HQ time keepers!)

05 November, 2010 11:02

 

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