This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

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Monday, June 22, 2009

Booking Off

Three police bloggers have nightjacked it in this week, out of fear of possible repercussions, including Max, Metcountymounty, and Plastic Fuzz. From my own point of view, I don't say anything on my blog that I don't go on about at work (no doubt to the tedium of my colleagues), and I guess if it's misconduct to harp on about what we'd change if we could then a few of us would be out of a job.

Once again, the latest subject is Resources. Blandshire Constabulary has come up with an excellent solution to the never-ending problem of failing resources. I like to call it the Resource Spiral, and this is how it works:
  • First, it is identified that there aren't enough of a certain kind of police officer, for example Detectives.
  • On discovering there is absolutely no resilience in any department to take detectives from there, drastic measures are needed. All Criminal Investigation Departments (CIDs) across four stations are immediately combined into one great big CID covering all four areas. This means two-thirds the amount of detectives are able to provide 24hr cover.
  • Over time, it is realised that the needs of the four areas are slightly different, and that really they could each do with their own CID. For a while, the detectives on the Uber-CID are run ragged covering all four areas at once, until they gradually start to apply for other forces or areas. Uber-CID is just coping with half the number of staff they used to have.
  • Finally, the department is split into four and based at each station like before. Only with half the number of detectives they had to start with.
  • The Resource Spiral is complete.
The brilliance of this cost-cutting should not be under-stated. What other business can halve their staff without reducing workload, without anyone noticing?

'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.


Blogger Paul said...

You had me worried there. I thought you were going state 11 with the rest!

22 June, 2009 14:00

Anonymous Retired Sgt said...

One way to balance the needs of the public and adress financial restraint would of course be to get rid of the large number of officers with bad backs dodgy knees etc who feel they can only work 9/5 Mon-Fri.There is of course no reason why these people shouldnt work shifts in control room or front desk and if they feel they can no longer want to contribute to the organisation lets get rid of em on a medical-yes I know this would mean not meeting a Govt target but it would save dosh and you could employ a newby instead-perhaps some clever person could do an analysis.Last of all get rid of another bunch of unproductive uniform carriers-PCSOs and save a fortune!

22 June, 2009 15:42

Anonymous Mac said...

The problem was that the number of officers going 'on a medical'was proving very expensive, particularly after 25yrs service (get a full pension)due to the length of serving (IE paying in) versus length of retirement (taking out).
I don't have an answer as I don't know what the figures are, but it's why we seem to have so many people on 'restricted duties' for one reason or another.

22 June, 2009 15:59

Blogger WeePeeCee said...

haha, I'm fairly sure you don't work where I work but this applies to my farce, too.
I'm torn. Things like this are either really depressing or very funny.
Is it both?

22 June, 2009 16:04

Blogger menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

This is exactly what does happen in business. It used to be a seven year model of change but in more recent times it has become every three. Usually there is a glut of top management sitting at desk jobs whilst the people at the coal face are reduced in number – the Jane Mansfield top-heavy organisation of too many chiefs and not enough Indians. It defies logic and as soon as all the headed notepaper and business cards are printed at a nice tidy financial cost, some other eejit with an MBA on a fast-track programme decides it might be time to reorganise the infrastructure yet again.

The police service is too hierarchical and concentrates too much upon providing several promotional steps as a career path. It should be a flatter structure with less chiefs and a lot more Indians with much more emphasis upon expanding the current roles so people can move sideways into more attractive roles but keeping them on active service. It is a very dated organisational structure with rigid pay scales that does not reward individuality and talent. This kind of career ladder oriented organisation encourages people to climb the greasy pole rather than concentrate upon the job they already have. Flatten out the structure, remove some of the ranks and hey presto – more people on active duty and not driving a desk. No wonder you get cheesed off!

22 June, 2009 16:13

Blogger Metcountymounty said...

I've never said anything on my blog that I don't say repeatedly and continuously at work, and I have absolutely no problem telling anyone of any rank what I think. That's actually the main reason that some people in my SMT know me rather well and don't like me talking to anyone higher than them, especially if asked what I think about something that directly affects me or my team such as manning levels, pointless targets and rediculous one off experiments to get someone their next rank. The worst they can do is put me on a response team anyway, so if I think something is complete bollocks I'll tell them to their face, constructively of course.

We all know that if something happens at work that has life threatening or severe consequences then we could face getting plastered all over the media, likewise in setting up the blogs we know that we face a meeting without coffee if someone gets the hump and investigates us. Only an idiot would think that their respective professional standards departments weren't constantly monitoring and trying to identify us.

The exposing for exposing sake in the media though is a new beast. I've had people try and follow me after work or find out where I live, that again is one of the risks we face. But having my face, name and the city I live in as well as career history plastered all over a newspaper, or even just a website, because some hack thinks it's a good idea?

Not for me thanks. It could very, very easily indefinitely close off a number of career paths and as I'm at the stage in my career where I'm looking at specialising it's an unacceptable risk to carry on.

Good luck Bloggsy, yours was one of the ones that inspired me to start a blog up and I can't wait for the next book, let alone the possibility of a TV show to add to the sky+ list.

As I said to you before, from one pair of boots to another, I take my hat off to you. Keep up the good work and look after yourself, and good luck with the stripes, we need as many decent skippers as we can get!


22 June, 2009 22:11

Anonymous Pete said...

Brave to the end eh, MCM old banana

24 June, 2009 11:21

Anonymous Stan said...

Dont forget, HQ sucks up the old and tired so there are less for division.

24 June, 2009 12:27

Blogger Whichendbites said...

world weary detective has also gone. NODSAG is also now a protected blog. What is the world coming to ?

26 June, 2009 11:56

Blogger Whichendbites said...

I meant dinoplod at, world weary went some time ago.
My mistake.

26 June, 2009 13:28


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