This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


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Sunday, August 10, 2008

Lack of Postage

I may not be posting much this week. I have been struck down by a bout of Olympic flu, the symptoms of which are as follows:
  1. Taking up a new sport which no one has ever heard of, such as rhythmic gymnastics, or handball.
  2. Singing along to the national anthem with tears in my eyes during the one medal ceremony where Britain has won a gold.
  3. The feeling that I will have achieved nothing with my life if I do not win a medal at London 2012.
As I worked the weekend in Blandmore, I was proud to see the locals honouring our sporting prowess in Beijing. Instead of getting plastered, losing all their money and sitting at my boots imploring me for a lift home, they have been getting plastered, losing all their money, sitting at my boots imploring me for a lift home AND deploring my lack of patriotism when I refuse.

In case you are wondering, the sport I will be taking up to win my 2012 medal is beach volleyball. I'm not too great at volleyball, but I'm hoping my strong interest in the beach will do.

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'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.

12 Comments:

Anonymous XTP said...

I worked the weekend too! Glad to see you're home just in time to post before the day is out.

To tell you the truth, it makes a change from "She sent me a mean text" though.

11 August, 2008 00:24

 
Blogger Paradise Driver said...

In beach volleyball, the skimpier the bikini the less need for skill in the game. Reading between the lines, I'd say your best choice would be the spider's web/dental floss thong. Well, i've seen that work really well in mixed doubles in Hawaii.

11 August, 2008 07:14

 
Anonymous Steve said...

Im always amazed at the number of people that try and flag a panda down at kicking out time.

"Oh, i thought you were a taxi.."

11 August, 2008 10:05

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At least we are keeping up with Michael Phelps!

11 August, 2008 19:30

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At the London Olympics I will enter the lawn mowing race & the car cleaning competition.

11 August, 2008 20:04

 
Anonymous pcR said...

After last friday night I have been entered for a new event for 2012; "putting the scrote". Current record, 7 metres (wind assisted). It wasn't you was it, gharlane?

12 August, 2008 20:47

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish I still had that email about Manchesters Commonwealth games itinery...
Fencing - selling as many stolen goods as possible in half an hour.
Hurdles - a video recorder under the arm and hedgehopping over fences with a police dog running after you.
The Olympic torch being lit by a ski mask clad chav from 300yds with a petrol bomb.
You can guess the rest!

12 August, 2008 21:35

 
OpenID inspectorgadget said...

The best sport in 2012 will be called "making massive amounts of overtime" when the Met command mess up at the last minute and realise they don't have enough Level II officers. The the call will go out to the Shire. Kerching.

13 August, 2008 03:43

 
Blogger staghounds said...

I laughed one year when I saw that the Women's Beach Volleyball had the country's three letter designation in big letters on the top. So each Brazilian's bra was clearly marked

BRA

And I like to watch the rhythmic gymnastics, especially the hoop and ball. They should change the streamer for a brick, though.

14 August, 2008 02:12

 
Anonymous David said...

Bloggs, I think the word you might be looking for wrt number 2 is "oops", given that Britain has, astonishingly, actually managed to do quite well this year, albeit mainly in all the fractionally different versions of cycling and sailing.

Wrt handball, 2012 is your chance, since as the hosts we get a team in as of right, despite being rubbish.

Oh, and please don't sing along to the national anthem - we already have far too much of the ghastly flag-waving. You'll be draping a Union Flag around your shoulders next...

23 August, 2008 20:31

 
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03 April, 2009 21:31

 
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15 April, 2009 10:47

 

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