This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Speak first, think... never.

The people of Rothley are UPSET.











They are upset at the disappearance of Madeleine McCann. They are upset with the failed search to find her. They are upset with Robert Murat, who we all know DID IT.

But they are MOST UPSET with the Portuguese police, who have clearly run out of leads and have now decided to investigate Maddie's parents.

Portugal's finest would do well to heed the cries of the Rothley Residents. One of the little-known facts about police work is that the friends, relatives and neighbours of any victim have telepathic powers enabling them to Just Know things. It is for this reason that we Just Know the McCanns are innocent, without needing any details or evidence about the case whatsoever.

Strangely enough, I am dealing with a similar case at the moment. Admittedly, it didn't happen at an Algarve holiday complex but in a garden full of washing machines, and it isn't a child that's missing but a small brown handbag. But I think you'll agree the same rules of investigation apply. In my case, the choices are either (A) someone climbed a 12 foot wall and swiped the bag in the space of three seconds when the victim's daughter's back was turned or (B) the victim's daughter swiped the bag. Either way, apparently it was very hurtful of me to tell the victim I doubt we'll ever find her bag.

I don't know what will happen when I arrest the victim's daughter, but I suspect it will go along the lines of a complaint about me and the descent of a mob on Blandmore Police Station because she DIDN'T DO IT and I'M NOT DOING MY JOB.

Sometimes I wish I weren't doing my job. Sometimes I wish I were doing another, altogether more sensible job, like being a police officer.

---------------------------------------------------------
Copyright of PC Bloggs.

17 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Last night I had to deal with a domestic. Both sets of parents of the two involved blamed the lot on the other sibling (as did they). They were even more annoyed that my issue chrystal ball had developed a fault that night.

Little do they know its on loan.

09 September, 2007 08:29

 
Blogger Henry Crun said...

It's a bit like when serial killers are caught.

The neighbours always say, "he was such a quiet fellow. Looked after his mother, always brought her flowers. But the drains always smelled a bit."

09 September, 2007 09:51

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I do not understand is why the Portugese police were so dilatory in passing on all the relevant information to the British Press.
After all it is self evident that, given the outstanding abilities and expertise of the Press and not withstanding the huge investment Murdoch and his ilk have made, this case would probably have been solved by the Sun or the Mail within hours with just a little co-operation from the authorities.

Ex-Pat Alfie

09 September, 2007 12:45

 
Blogger BelfastPeeler said...

Dealt with a theft of an ATM card where money had been taken from their account using the PIN.

So I got the account details and told I.P. I'd check the local ATM's, most have cameras and see what came up.

I.P. asks - when you find out who it was can you tell me as I think it might have been my daughter and I don't want to prosecute her.

So I tell her no, if I take the considerable time to contact the banks and check ad obtain CCTV from half a dozen ATMs I WILL be prosecuting someone if I find them.

Never made a statement of complaint after that, oddly.

09 September, 2007 14:32

 
Blogger Noggsy said...

Bloggs - I am currently half way through your book and I think it one of the funniest books I've ever read.

Keep up the blog and the chin.

09 September, 2007 15:49

 
Blogger Noggsy said...

Oh and you have inspired me to try my hand at blogging and I hope it is ok that I have linked to yours - I don't expect a link back as I haven't got much on there yet.

What is the protocol in linking - are you supposed to ask permission first? I should have checked first really, sorry.

09 September, 2007 15:52

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Must have been a hell of a momentous briefing that one - on the lines of 'OK folks, we've drawn a blank on all the abduction leads, so the DCI has decided we're going to box this one off by fitting the McCanns up for a murder. Now can you all keep a secret? If not, please leave now'.

09 September, 2007 20:35

 
Blogger BelfastPeeler said...

"When you've eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth." - Sherlock Holmes

09 September, 2007 20:41

 
Blogger PC Bloggs said...

Noggsy, no need to ask permission - no blogger minds a link (unless your site is really, really bizarre, or belongs to Chief Constable Brunstrom. But I can't see him logging in as "Noggsy".)

09 September, 2007 22:07

 
Blogger Noggsy said...

Noted mate, thanks.

Did Monday books make you put 'WPC' on the front of the book? I've got an image of you really gritting your teeth.

Also, I'm sure this must have been asked before, but what does the E E stand for?

09 September, 2007 22:29

 
Anonymous Dan C, Monday Books said...

Noggsy
Just happened to be passing and saw your post about Bloggsy's book being attributed to 'WPC' Bloggs.
Yes, hang our heads in shame, it was down to us. Bloggs wanted 'PC', we were worried that without a first name it might confuse a few simple readers (ie is it by a female officer or not?). I think we were wrong and she was right, actually, but there you go.
By the way, we've enraged a few American feminists by using a model wearing lipstick, too (that's not actually Bloggs, PSD types, the real version is far better looking).
Glad you like it, though!
cheers
Dan

10 September, 2007 08:25

 
Anonymous Roxy said...

BelfastPeeler: Yeah but Holmes was a druggy :)

10 September, 2007 18:19

 
Blogger Noggsy said...

Dan, mea culpa is always appreciated (do you want any TICs on my area?).

The book is excellent value and very well written.

EE - Entirely Exhausted?

10 September, 2007 20:40

 
Anonymous Rod said...

Well, Bloggs, glad to see one police offer has their eye firmly on the real ball.

Something tells me that the only outside person who knows what really happened to Madelaine is the Pope.

11 September, 2007 15:07

 
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