This is the official blog of Sgt Ellie Bloggs, a real live police sergeant on the front line of England. It's not the official opinion of my police force, but all the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't pay my salary.


(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Monday, April 23, 2007

If you can't take the heat...

Is it just me, or is 21 degrees not especially hot? Albeit I did not run in the marathon, I have this vague idea that marathons used to be run in slightly warmer climes than here without the competitors being warned of imminent death.

I cannot blame the authorities for being cautious, however. The Twenty-First Century is a dangerous place and it is just as well to distribute health warnings every time a Member of Public steps outside. This is why I am delighted to see that the Prime Minister and Michael Schumacher have teamed up to ban road deaths. The pairing could not be more qualified to teach us the dangers of unpredictable U-turns and fast driving.

My own view on road safety is simple: most drivers could not care less about human life and until we take firm legal action against them, our country will not be safe. I propose a form which must be signed by every driver before getting behind the wheel, promising not to be involved in a collision. It could be accompanied by a risk assessment and could be forwarded to another department for checking. Any breach of such a contract would result in a jail-term which truly reflects the recidivist nature of these killers.

THAT should solve the problem.

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Copyright of PC Bloggs.

10 Comments:

Blogger ReallyEvilCanine said...

Shouldn't pedestrians also be required to take some sort of pledge before being allowed out of their homes? A promise never to walk in front of a vehicle speeding down the road with blue lights flashing?

23 April, 2007 21:11

 
Blogger Grannys.Myth.Peeler said...

Safe driving agreement form

(1) do you agree to drive safely.
if yes go to section 3.

(2) I will drive in a dangerous manner.
(a) all of the time.
(b)some of the time.
if (a) go to section 4. If (b) go to section 5.

(3) I firmly promise to drive safely.
(a) all of the time.
(b) some of the time.
if (a) go to section 6. If (b) go to section 5.

(4) I am a t**t & should be punished.
(a) all of the time.
(b) some of the time.
If (a) go to section 7. If (b) go to section 8.

(5) I am a bit daft careless & inconsiderate. I should
(a) re-assess my daftness.
(b) continue down the road of destruction.
If (a) go to section 1. If (b)
get over to section 4(b) with all the other t**t’s

(6) I am a decent citizen & will obey the law & will contribute to society. I would like to drive my car
(a) immediately on assing my test.
(b) on receipt of permission after sending off this form.
If (a) spend lots of money & pass test.
If (b) wait until we get back to you within the next 10 years.

(7) we will not be punishing you as it is to hard to do & probably
don’t know where you live so
(a) continue to drive illegally & very cheaply
(b) see (a)
If (a) or (b) I don’t really have to say anything
sensible so twerp bugger poo.

(8) please go to section (8).

This information was brought to you by the
Ministry of form filling nonsense. If you would like
Any further information on clogging up the system
Please send a stamped addressed envelope in triplicate.
If you would like loads of benefits just ask &
Walk with a limp or something.

24 April, 2007 16:36

 
Blogger Grannys.Myth.Peeler said...

oh & bloggsy whats a guy got to do to get a girls link around this joint.

24 April, 2007 16:46

 
Blogger Stan Still said...

PC Bloggs

Do you still have your Yahoo e-mail account and if so, do you access it? I've sent a message to that address as there appears to be no other way to communicate with you, apart from comments.

Good job I'm not your Chief Superintendent!

24 April, 2007 17:30

 
Blogger PC Bloggs said...

I do have the email address - how else were you planning to contact me? I don't generally post contact details and my home address...

24 April, 2007 18:31

 
Anonymous Judge Death said...

Even better - all crime being committed by the living then just kill everyone and hey presto - no crime!!

25 April, 2007 11:11

 
Blogger totallyun-pc said...

GMP

(9) I am a woman!


ha ha... come on then? you want some? well do ya?

25 April, 2007 22:42

 
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