Now You HMIC Me, Now You Don't

I've previously ranted about the dastardly function of Her Majesty's Inspectorate of Constabulary on this blog.  I mean, I've previously posted in eloquent and nuanced tones about HMIC.

The tentacles of this behind-the-scenes, performance-monitoring body are far-reaching.  Indeed, I can link HMIC reports to direct changes made, or about to be made, on the front line of Blandshire that have materially impacted my ability to do my job (for the worse, in case that's not clear).  Some such changes are:

• Extra entries on custody records.
• New shift patterns.
• Extra bureaucratic procedures when attending incidents of anti-social behaviour.
• Having to buy prisoners brand new trainers out of the force's budget.
• Having to make hour-long round trips to collect prisoners' medication, and pay for it.
• Whole teams or squads being formed to target particular crimes.

Most of these HMIC reports have been generated without a member of HMIC ever actually visiting a police station in Blandshire, nor speaking to any officers.  Most of the changes implemented have not been explicitly required by HMIC, nor has the senior officer implementing them visited police stations or spoken to any officers, before introducing them.  It's like an episode of Undercover Boss, but without the bit where the boss goes undercover.

But now, and perhaps for the first time in my memory, HMIC has released a report favourable to those of us at the sharp end.  It estimates that 3000 police jobs will go in London alone, and hundreds more in other forces.

Are Police Chiefs clamouring to jump on the back of this report, the way they have clamoured and jumped when HMIC has suggested time-consuming and bureaucratic changes to the functions of the front-line?  On the contrary, the silence has been deafening.  And is it any wonder, when the lone voice in the wilderness, CC Peter Fahy, was denounced as irresponsible.  Mr Fahy won't be getting the Met call-up any time soon.

The far-from-clear message seems to be: sometimes HMIC is right, and implementing its suggestions can be useful evidence for Chief Constables to accrue in pursuance of their futures.  But sometimes, HMIC is wrong, and speaking out for its conclusions is downright hazardous to one's career.

So the next time my Chief uses an HMIC report to inflict maximum pain on the front line, the thought might occur to me to ask where the plaudits were when that self-same body told the public that Blandshire Constabulary was in dire straits.

Then again, I suppose pointing out anything that could cause the front line to lose confidence in their leader would just be plain irresponsible. 

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'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.