This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.

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Tuesday, July 06, 2010

No Chance: The Movie

Picture the scene: a crazed, steroid-infused bodybuilder pumping irons in a prison compound, confiding in a hoarse whisper: "When I get out of this joint, blood's gonna run, buddy."

The tattooed buddy beckons over a prison guard with the back of one finger the next day, passing over a phone-card with some lettering on the back, in return for a packet of cigarettes. The card reads: "MOAT'S GONNA FLIP".

Elsewhere in the county, the intelligence reaches NPPD (Northumbria Police Police Department). In the morning meeting: "Moat's out on Friday, he's got something big planned."

In dismay, armed cops are deployed across the county on Friday. Surveillance is launched on Raoul Moat. NPPD's finest follow a trail of blood across the county, leading to a cop being gunned down in a thrilling exchange of bullets.

As the sick psychopath turns to Facebook to taunt his victims, the superintendent reluctantly picks up the phone to ageing detective Mel Bruce, who's been signed off sick with alcoholism and a bad back. A battle of wits and bullets begins. And as the detective who sent Moat down, only DS Bruce can stop him...

And back in the real world, many hundreds of convicts declare their intention to "do something" when they get out. Hundreds of prison guards and probation officers relay these chilling threats to the police. The police trawl through intelligence and background checks, and try to decide when and how and if to respond.

When the first body is found, the important thing is to work out whether confidence in the police will be undermined by the event. A Critical Incident is declared. A Gold Group convenes. A press strategy unfolds.

By the time Northumbria Police discover they are embroiled in the plot of the next Die Hard movie, it is about ten years too late to arm their front-line officers, don American accents and hire someone called Mel Bruce prone to a bad back.

Life rarely mimics art. When it does, it's hard and cruel and shocking.

Plus the one-liners aren't as funny, and contain spelling mistakes.

'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.


Blogger Hogday said...

Hollywood has a lot to answer for. Perhaps we should refer it to the IPCC or the NPIA?

07 July, 2010 08:57

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very good Bloggsy!

07 July, 2010 10:47

Blogger pcmcgarry#452 said...

As an ex warder, my wife and kids were threatened EVERY day with rape and murder. Hasn't happened yet. Are we supposed to monitor every single ex-con who makes threats? Almost as ridiculous as Sim's hairdo.

07 July, 2010 12:02

Anonymous Anonymous said...

what are you on woman?
not a very good blog at all.

07 July, 2010 17:56

Anonymous Anonymous said...

lets hope he gets a good few more pig scum before they get him

shame pig only got a few pellets in the face

he should have loaded it with a slug

08 July, 2010 01:01

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi PC Bloggs,

thanks for this blog post, and for your blog in general. By the way, Raoul Moat seems to be more a narcissist than a psychopath, if you'll pardon the quibble.

All the best, and please keep on blogging!

08 July, 2010 10:07

Blogger jerym said...

Don`t delete it Bloggs just don`t feed the cretin.
Reading some of the comments in the Daily Mail is bloody depressing considering that they all have a vote and maybe kids.

08 July, 2010 10:31

Anonymous Anonymous said...

maybe, but where is he now that the big boys have come out to play?..... run away to hide in the fields he has. LOL.

08 July, 2010 17:25

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Troll,
The only person he appears to have killed is a member of the public.
I wonder what your views are on his death?

08 July, 2010 18:18

Anonymous ParkiePlod1980 said...

Is it just me or does the Chief Constable of Northumbria look like a character out of Wallace and Gromit. I can't take her seriously, and from what I hear she's the first to start tugging female officer's hair when it doesn't meet the standards.She's hardly inspiring confidence in the police investigation

08 July, 2010 19:31

Anonymous Anonymous said...

So the CC of Northumbria doesn't look like Cheryl Cole, and ooooh God forbid, her HAIR isn't perfect, and it appeared that she was not that used to being an actress in front of the cameras!
I have seen worse looking male coppers!

And what do the SEXIST ARROGANT MALE COPS DO?.....they ridicule her on another "unofficial" male cop's blog. Is it any wonder that the public don't appear to have a high opinion of the police. The male officers have caused this with their arrogant bad attitudes, time and time again.

Initially there was very little sympathy for the MoP victims, Sam and her boyfiend who died. Charming. There's now a "blame the victim" post, because clearly it is all their own fault that a violent nut case seeking revenge, [because he was rejected] shot them.

Clearly Sam should not have tried to make a new life for herself and her family with a new partner, in this day and age. No, she should have just stayed on her own, alone and vulnerable to even more abuse when the nut case ex boyfriend was released from prison, unsupervised.
But some claim that social services told her to leave her home and friends and go into a woman's refuge- a kind of "prison".

Sam obviously thought that by saying her new boyfriend was a policeman, that the nut case ex boyfriend would leave her alone. She may well have believed that the police would protect her and her family from any further attacks from Moat.

Well, now she knows what a farce the system really is, and that those who are well paid to protect people like her, often fail to do that, and then blame, insult and criticise the very people they failed, even when the victim is killed.

The cops moan and they wonder why there has been so much bureaucracy and internal monitoring of police officers actions.
Perhaps that's because of the tendancy of some to incompetence and to abuse their powers, position, and cover up their mistakes.

Criticising the CC of Northumbria for her TV "performances" and her hair style, and then blaming the MoP victims who got hurt, and killed, DOES NOT inspire confidence in nor respect for the police. And who will the male cops blame for that screw up?

Arm ALL police? You must be joking.

09 July, 2010 05:45

Anonymous ParkiePlod1980 said...

I am criticising her hairstyle because it does not fit in with professional standards or the uniform policy and if she were a female PC she would be getting stuck on or words of advice for that. The Chief Constable should be setting an example to her officers in all areas of professionalism not ignoring ones just because she's the Chief Constable. Furthermore she has failed to wear a hat or body armour whilst in public again breaching the uniform standards. Is it just me or bearing mind she is meant to be setting standards people would have more respect for her if it was do as I do, rather than do as I say :-(. Critising her is nothing to do with sexism I would be saying exactly the same if it was a male Chief Constable who in my opinion looked unprofessional

09 July, 2010 13:47


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