The "W" Hour
As my long-time readers will know, I consider myself one hell of a risque gal. Not only have I chosen a career highly unsuitable for a young lady, I have also indulged in disgraceful humour both on and off-duty. It just isn't the done thing for a woman to attempt comedy, and I receive my just deserts in the form of dressings-down by my commenters, emails inviting me to be stalked, and reviewers who deign not to find me funny.
This week my book, Diary of an On-Call Girl, has been dramatised for Woman's Hour. This means portions of it will be played/acted out twice a day from 15th-19th June. This makes it a good time to dredge up the old "W" word.
It's easy for female bloggers/police officers to play the Woman card, and claim unfair treatment by virtue of gender. But is there really any difference in the way I am treated by my readers, colleagues, or the public? I can't give a definitive answer, because I've never blogged as a man (nor dressed like one at work despite comments to the contrary). But I can point out some experiences I've had unlikely to be shared by a bloke in the same situation.
This week my book, Diary of an On-Call Girl, has been dramatised for Woman's Hour. This means portions of it will be played/acted out twice a day from 15th-19th June. This makes it a good time to dredge up the old "W" word.
It's easy for female bloggers/police officers to play the Woman card, and claim unfair treatment by virtue of gender. But is there really any difference in the way I am treated by my readers, colleagues, or the public? I can't give a definitive answer, because I've never blogged as a man (nor dressed like one at work despite comments to the contrary). But I can point out some experiences I've had unlikely to be shared by a bloke in the same situation.
- Being referred to continually as "Ellie" in my comments pages, usually preceded by a patronising depiction of my work as ill-conceived or lacking depth. For "Ellie", one might substitute "woman" or "dear" (depending on the venom of the commenter).* The subtext being, you couldn't expect a woman to think this through properly. This isn't something I've seen in male bloggers' comments.
- Having readers evince an unhealthy interest in my looks. You might point out that to some extent I've encouraged this, with my book title, cover, and occasional flashing of my TITs.** But this still wouldn't happen to a male, nor could he try to make it.
- Hearing the response, "Really, but you don't look..." when I tell people what I do.
Of course there are examples of overt sexism I've experienced, at the hands of utter morons. These affected me so deeply I can't remember enough to bother mentioning them. And there's probably been some hidden sexism that may actually have inconvenienced me, but I'm blase enough not to have noticed it.
My overall experience has been that any disadvantage I feel by being a woman in a still male-dominated job is balanced by as many advantages. And that holds true for my writing too. There are things I'd like to change, largely surrounding attitudes towards sexual assault and rape. But I'm not a man-hating feminist, and I'm open-minded enough to see that some of the attitudes I revile are based on unpalatable truths, and it is the truths that need changing first.
If you haven't read my book, you can listen to bits of it this week - feedback is welcomed and will be fully incorporated into the sequel... if... when...
I know I must have some female readers out there, and I'd like to know your views on the above. Is it really harder being a woman, or do we just talk about it more?
* I should add I don't mind being referred to as Ellie, it's the context.
** As you will know, these are my Terrific Investigating Techniques.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------My overall experience has been that any disadvantage I feel by being a woman in a still male-dominated job is balanced by as many advantages. And that holds true for my writing too. There are things I'd like to change, largely surrounding attitudes towards sexual assault and rape. But I'm not a man-hating feminist, and I'm open-minded enough to see that some of the attitudes I revile are based on unpalatable truths, and it is the truths that need changing first.
If you haven't read my book, you can listen to bits of it this week - feedback is welcomed and will be fully incorporated into the sequel... if... when...
I know I must have some female readers out there, and I'd like to know your views on the above. Is it really harder being a woman, or do we just talk about it more?
* I should add I don't mind being referred to as Ellie, it's the context.
** As you will know, these are my Terrific Investigating Techniques.
'Diary of an On-Call Girl' is available in some bookstores and online.
posted by PC Bloggs at 20:05
31 Comments:
I just listened to the first episode and I thought it was great. I don't think it should make a difference whether you're a woman or not. The episode sounded exactly like the kind of story my boyfriend (who is a police officer) tells me when he gets home.
15 June, 2009 20:11
you should compare notes with this writer:
Self-Made Man by Norah Vincent - A Book Club Reading Group Guide
dungbeetle
15 June, 2009 20:33
Having heard the first episode this morning, I couldn't resist listening to it again with my husband this evening. He used to work in the CJU. We both think it's funny and he also said it sounds about right as well!
I'm not a blogger, so I wouldn't have come across this ordinarily. Very tempted to get the book.
As someone who tried (and failed spectacularly) to get in the force, I think you do a bloody great job.
15 June, 2009 20:59
I'm a female reader, and a feminist, but not a man-hating one. My other half identifies as feminist too, and he's most definitely male. I /have/ blogged as male, and find that the way I am treated under my own name is markedly different, but not necessarily /worse/, just different.
For instance, I get patronised more as a female, but I got more full-on attacks as a male. I'd rather have headpatting than violence, personally, even if that does seem a little cowardly.
Also, hi. I don't think I have actually commented before, although I link to you a fair bit.
15 June, 2009 21:51
Thought you did the interview very well. I wish some of out top brass did as well as this during media interviews!
One point though, I have emailed the BBC to complain about the stupid voices they felt it necessary to use in the dramatization.
Does anyone remember ITN doing the same with David Copperfield in an interview? One minute he sounded like a normal considerate person, cut to a dramatization and he sounded like a brummie doorman
Irritating!
Martin
15 June, 2009 23:00
I bought your book a week or so ago, having read through your whole archive (my job is particularly dull) and caught the first radio installment last night.
For some reason, whether it was the slight abridging, or the actors, or the fact I was also cooking dinner and not paying complete attention, I thought it was less funny on the radio. I recommend to anyone who enjoys the radio though to buy the book as it's splendid.
Also, do you really sound like that, and does Sgt Woodcock really sound quite so plummy? I had images of him with a brandy snifter and a smoking jacket whilst he explains DVU's support!
16 June, 2009 09:05
Congrats on getting Radio4 to help you explain the real deal to us MOPs.
Is anyone else having the smug 'I liked "Diary of..." before it was fashionable' feeling?
*goes back to contemplating Ellie's fantastic TITs* "Mmmmm, professionalism..." ;)
16 June, 2009 09:19
I bought the book for Mrs HD to read - she a former police officer and very competent investigator of nasty crimes against women and children. She is also a very attractive woman. We both thought the book was spot on, because we all know you can't make that stuff up - if anything you tone it down to make it more believable. We are both very pleased not to be doing the job anymore but enjoyed it when we did (until we both got fed up with jumping through the hoops and climbing over the obstructions that were being thrown up weekly). I suppose every police generation will say `the job's f***d` and for them, it really is, as it was for me and Mrs HD - when you keep banging your head against a wall, you eventually realise - it hurts. Good luck with the follow ups.
16 June, 2009 09:48
A great book, and it was great to hear you speak on Radio Four. I concur with anon above - why did they make you sopund like that? Poor stereotyping I thought.
Looking forward to book two.
16 June, 2009 09:59
I think it's easier being a woman, institutional sexist roadblocks notwithstanding. There are more of us, we're rather brighter, we blow our own heads off less and we live longer. You couldn't pay me to be a man. In part because it wouldn't work.
16 June, 2009 12:33
Don't worry your pretty little head about it, my dear.
16 June, 2009 16:32
Hi
I have been driven to your blog by the Womans Hour thing. I was totally captivated by it and your blog , I never thought a police officer would ever make me laugh!!
As to the woman thing .. I am an anthropologist and I head up a team of 7 men, they treat me as an one of them but with marginal deference for my position, they all take direction well, no probs at all ... HOWEVER 12 years ago I spent 3 months running my Dad's building firm when he was ill. Most of the men I encountered treated me as the tea lady and preferred to speak to one of the labourers rather than to even acknowledge me! It was an enlightening experience and I learned to shout very loudly and to swear with great fluency. Great stuff :-)
16 June, 2009 21:01
I'm not quite sure why you have made an issue out of being called "Ellie" by bloggers, when that is the name you have chosen for yourself to write under. You have pointed out that you don't mind being refered to as "Ellie", but then why would you mind, er Bloggsy? I am female, incidentally.
I think that sexism does exist, although Alpha males often do a very cunning job at hiding and disguising it. Men like to be the boss and in control. They can feel threatened by strong women and often don't like being told what to do, in a work situation that is.
In private, personal lives however, many males in positions of authority do like a woman to dominate them, because it makes them feel secure, and loved.
Many men have not enjoyed the fact that women have "liberated" themselves, from their role as domestic slaves. That situation suited men and made them feel powerful, the boss, or the head of the family.
The police "family" is very much dominated and controlled by men, and yes they can be sexist, patronising and dismissive.
I have been "one hell of a risque gal" too Bloggsy, in my younger, wilder days....when a bit of skin flashing was not unusual, boobs included, and bum! All part of the "cover", which sounds like a contradiction, but it isn't. I had to go undercover, long term, with an image of "wild child - bad girl" and blend in with the public. Men's attitudes towards women are changed when they see a bit of flesh.....they then see women in a sexual image, because that IS the biological make up of men. Often men just don't recognise the brains, because all they can focus on are the boobs, or bum!
Who has the most difficult time?
Neither, it's swings and roundabouts, advantages and disadvantages in being a woman.
Life isn't perfect, and men certainly aren't.......
Some of them join secret societies who meet behind closed doors, where they sell their souls to the devil, and cover up evil deeds done to women and children. There will be very harsh KARMA to pay for that sort of "sexism", come their next incarnations.
16 June, 2009 21:59
From one Ellee (a real one) to another, congratulations!
16 June, 2009 22:29
Last Anon, my point was that other police bloggers don't get referred to patronisingly by first name. I don't mind people calling me Ellie just to address me, but what I've noticed is that comments that begin that way often go onto be particularly condescending, and I don't think I've noticed it on male blogs.
16 June, 2009 23:18
I don't think your female readers can realistically answer your question as to whether it is harder being a woman - for the reason you yourself mention in the post: most of us have never been a man.
As for being addressed by one's name (or pseudonym) by commenters, do you really think that this doesn't happen to men? If so, perhaps you should read more blogs. And more to the point, do you really think it represents a sexist attack? What are people supposed to address you as?
Being patronised in comments boxes (by whatever means), if that is what you're referring to, happenes to bloggers of all genders, and is done by readers of all genders.
It's not really surprising that feminism has a bad name, when women complain about things like this, and shout "sexism" without appearing to have thought it through...
17 June, 2009 11:40
I'm a feminist, who was raised by a feminist. I am raising two future feminists.
I do not hate men. Most of them I like, one of them I love. There are still old-fashioned sexists out there, who do that whole "don't you worry your pretty little head" thing. Them, I mainly ignore. The vast majority of men do at least try to treat women equally. Countless generations of men have been raised to "protect" women, and you can't breed that out in a hurry. I'd rather have a door held open for me than slammed in my face.
As for talking about it more? Yes, probably.
17 June, 2009 13:50
Dandelion, you shouldn't go about telling people they haven't thought things through when you apparently haven't read them through.
Bloggs made the point in her entry and on this thread (right before your own rather obtuse comment, for example) that it's not commenters calling her Ellie that's a problem; it's the perceived pattern of commenters calling her Ellie and surrounding it by sexist condescension.
It's not surprising feminism has a bad name when women's complaints about sexism are so easily dismissed as thoughtless by people who can't/don't READ.
Seriously, holy crap.
18 June, 2009 14:46
I suspect, due to female intuition, that Dandilion is in fact a man who wishes he was a woman. Wants to be a woman in fact, and probably dresses up as one. I also suspect that Dandilion is a journalist. S/he says..."most of us have never been a man". Big clue from someone who feels that they are a woman in a mans body, and contemplating Hormone Therapy and a sex change. [S/he will probably deny it, but I know that I am right.
Dandilion, DON'T DO IT. Just accept your "female" side and live your life as you are, as you were born. It is because of toxic chemicals in our environment, food and water, that the hormones of some men, and women, have become unbalanced. In London, where they recycle the water, there are traces of the contraceptive pill hormones which are contributing to men having a more female side to them.
The Environment Agency and Friends of the Earth, plus others, have done a great deal of research into the affects of chemicals in our environment, which is where that information came from. The first warning sign has been the feminisation of fish, which has been affecting reproduction and the numbers of fish in the rivers etc. This is a serious problem for humanity.
The anger of many women [towards men] who have embraced female liberation, has given feminism a bit of a bad name. Women do need to take more control of what is happening to this planet, and to society, but not in an aggressive man hating way. The men have been in control and have dominated this planet and women for a few thousand years. They are more aggressive by nature, and this has led to wars and ruin. Men and women are in fact EQUAL, but different to, and compliment each other. Both have strengths and weaknesses.
It is a misconception to say that "most of us have never been men". Reincarnation is a fact, and we are reborn time and time again, as men or as wmen, depending upon what it is we need to experience for our soul growth and spiritual development, and karma to be experienced because of past lives.
Some people who reincarnate after a short time since their past life, perhaps as a woman, will have a strong "soul memory" of that life as a female. They will have feelings of being a woman trapped in a man's body. I suspect this applies to Dandilion.
The NHS policy of "gender change" is wrong and a mistake. Men who have a strong feminine side need to just accept that, and get on with their lives as they are.
I hope that Dandilion reads this comment and thinks carefully about the insight I have offered here.
Better to be seen as a sensitive male with a feminine side, than as a freak who has had a sex change and who looks like a very masculine woman. It's not a good look, and it goes against nature.
19 June, 2009 04:12
Really enjoy reading the blog but always sad when it descends into issues of race/gender and all that.
I'm a serving male officer who is a single father to a boy of 7 years. His mother, my ex-wife, was a feminist, who died a few years ago. I did not know of her radical feminist history or we would never have got together.
Having read some of her university rants and the course work i was shcoked. The vile, man-hating literature was sickening. I put radical feminism on a par with what Hitler and the Nazi's tried to do. I am serious.
You can look for sexism in anything if you wish to. Time off work is more important for me so i can be a parent to my boy. A few weeks ago, the Inspector ordered us to stay on duty for a serious incident. The only exception was he allowed a 'married' female officer to go home for childcare. I could have shouted sexism, but accepted that the job doesn't owe me a living.
I know anonymous a few posts above attacked Alpha males who are 'control freaks'. I suppose she has never met a woman who was?
I once went to the asistance of a female officer who was struggling to keep a large man away from a scene. I ended up arresting him for obstruct police. The female officer wouldn't speak to me for a few days after because i had 'knicked her arrest'. If i hadn't stepped in i have no doubt she would have slagged me off for not doing anything to help. Can't win with some people.
Really sad there is a division between sections of the genders. As a 'bloke' i have no issues with women, will take orders, whatever, same as i would for another bloke. If i was 'offish', a female gaffer might think it was because of her gender whereas a male gaffer wouldn't.
I'm sad that we have to breed out that 'men trying to protect women' attitude. You will have to wait for my death because that is what a woman, 'my mother' bred into me. The strong protect the week. And that includes men who are weeker than me. I also hope that when i am old and infirm that there are men and women who have also been bred to protect the week.
Would that still be applicable if we took the 'Titanic test'. We are on a ship that is sinking, will all those feminists agree that men are being sexist in offering them places in the lifeboats or should a higher percentage of women die in order that their ideology is not offended?
It has been great today, seeing shops do their bit for father's day tomorrow. I know they are doing it for their business, but i know a lot of decent men who work their socks off to provide for their families. Luckily there are a lot of decent women out there that appreciate it and don't get sucked into gender politics.
I will not bore you with the sexism i have experienced as a male in the family court system. I was brought up by old-fashioned parents and thought that women were caring. That naivete cost me dearly.
Hope the above makes some sense. Just a dumb old sexist male chauvanist officer who is a bit tired from looking after his son. By the way, i would love to be a full-time house husband, stay at home for the kid(s)etc. How many women would put up with that? I have spoken to a few women who state they would never accept it. Sexism...?
Keep up the blog, i identify as a police officer, not by race, gender, age or height !!
20 June, 2009 18:34
Oi anon above. I did NOT "attack" Alpha males. I made an observation from my experiences. Nor did I refer to Alpha males as "control freaks". I said they like to be the boss and in control. That was not an attack. And yes, I have come across some very bossy female nightmares who were/are control freaks. And when they could not "control", manipulate and dominate me, they turned very nasty and vindictive out of spite.
I hope the day NEVER comes where the natural inclination of men IS to protect women from harm. But it can also be the case that a woman will protect a man, because she loves him. I have, but not by physically fighting with a threat.
All I ever wanted many years ago, was to be a "stay at home mum", but I was pressured into working as well. I was not allowed to devote ALL my time, energy and attention to my family, and partner. I was expected to be bloody superwoman and put in 14 - 16 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks of every year. I became a single mum, and was then treated with contempt by society because I had to rely upon benefits. I did not have the luxury of a man providing for myself and my kids.
I got VERY tired looking after my family, because there was no "back up", no breaks, all grind and hard slog on a low income. I became disabled through severe stress and repeated illness. I got M.E and was subjected to even more contempt from society, because I was ill, a single mum, on benefits and unable to be superwoman......
Sexism? These days men EXPECT women to raise the kids, clean the house, do the shopping AND bring in a wage, and all because of "feminism" and womens so called liberation. That was no liberation for those who want to be full time mums. Men, and now the government, tell mothers that they MUST have another job besides being a full time mother. IT SUCKS.
However, being at home and just looking after the house and kids can get very boring, without something to keep the mind active. That is why many women choose to go to work, plus the financial independence. And as we are equal, anon above, as a single parent you have the right to consideration regarding family resposibilities and working hours. Stand up for yourself in future, and for your right to a family life. The job does not own your soul, nor your whole life.
21 June, 2009 03:53
Silly mistake in comment above - not concentrating properly and didn't read it through afterwards. D'oh!!! It SHOULD have read....
I hope the dat NEVER comes where the natural inclination of men IS to protect women from harm IS BRED OUT OF THEM....... D'oh!!!
21 June, 2009 03:59
I can fully support the deletion of obscenity, libel or offensive comment. However, the deletion of my fair right to reply, constituting no more than the short explanatory response to Lawyer type above, is as difficult to justify as it is easy to equate to the police blog equivalent of taser abuse.
Was it not you, Ellie, professing to support and admire free expression and openness with the public?
If it be the case that fair and just comments embarrass a personal agenda sculpted for approval by Radio 4 producers, please qualify your version of openness with the public if it is something other than hypocrisy.
23 June, 2009 20:36
Erm Dr Mel....I am the "above", but had not really thought of myself as a "lawyer type". I'm more of an "undercover type
However my very basic understanding of libel, is that it is a statement about a person that is untrue and defamatory, which as a result causes harm and distress to the person concerned.
If the comment is in fact true, and also made in the public interest, ie in a newspaper or on a blog, then it is not libel.
Any lawyer types please correct me if I am wrong.
24 June, 2009 01:00
Meant to visit the blog again, after listening to the serialisation last week. Thought it was *bang on*. Absolutely *ding dong* Women in uniform kneeling on men... *crikey*... Seriously, the two most helpful police officers I have ever encountered have been women, but that could have been chance. There was also the one male PCSO with a refreshing knowledge of Chinese art at a resident's meeting.
Well, I haven't been here for a while, although Dr Melvin T Grey's name rings bells. An article on thisisgloucestershire about police 'wimping out' at Hester's Way, Cheltenham, finally brought me back. I thought the 'Women's hour' thing did present us with a stereotypical accent, the police equivalent of the pirates' Somerset 'Arrrr', but it was the full on 'set voice to drip' sarcasm of the narrator that can over most strongly, most of the time.
As for names, it's tricky. I'm on the MP Tom Harris' blog a lot at the moment, and it's difficult to know how to address him, especially given that he is, and I'm making every effort to be objective here, a bit of a smug tool. D'you say 'Mr Harris'? Too formal, for someone I clearly don't believe is any better than me. Or 'Tom', which implies a social familiarity which I wouldn't want to, given his general berkishness? There's the Joe Grundy style 'Tom Harris', but that sounds stilted after a short while, or just 'TH'. I'd rather just not use a name at all. The owner of a blog will always be the de facto addressee anyway.
24 June, 2009 03:32
And by the way, I prefer to use Mozilla Firefox over AOL these days, but your website is one of the ones that this application my wife downloaded, 'Web Of Trust', regards as 'having a poor reputation', so it blacks the page out. I'm assured there is some way of cancelling this, but I can't see it. The only other option, which I'm sure some people resort to, is to raise the site's score until it passes 'muster' (yet more targets):
http://www.mywot.com/en/scorecard/pcbloggs.blogspot.com
'Vendor reliability' seems to be what lets most people down. Bet you've heard that one before, eh?
24 June, 2009 09:47
*Apparently*, you've inherited the reputation of your domain, blogspot, because you don't have enough ratings of your own. I gave the site full marks, but it hasn't left a scratch...
24 June, 2009 09:56
Anon @18.34 on the 20th June 09 said that he was brought up by old fashioned parents, and always thought that women were caring. Something to do with his ex wife and perceived 'sexism' towards him as a male in the family courts.
I have never read any feminist books or whatever, so I really cannot comment about that. However....
People are people, some are kind and caring, some are not. Some men are loyal and protective towards women, kids, or the weak, and some are not. Some men, as the family courts are well aware of, are absolute B@st@rds, who are selfish, arrogant, control freaks, who intimidate their partners and children. Some are violent and some make threats to abduct kids, out of sheer spite and revenge.
In times past, the old fashioned view was that wives and children were the 'property' of a man, to do with as he pleased. Women had no rights, nor equal status, and a man was allowed to beat and even rape his wife. Thank God times have changed. The tables have turned and men can no longer get away with such selfish and arrogant behaviour. Men have had to adjust to a new reality, and some have found it hard to accept.
My experience of the family court was, that the 'father' [and I use that term loosly - because he was never around] of my kids used the system to legally intimidate myself and the kids. He lied and tried to paint a picture of himself as a caring father looking after the kids and myself, when in fact he was an argumentative and mostly absent drunken waster. He wasn't when I first got to know him, but his nightmare of an ex wife really screwed him up, and my life too - malicious accusations and smears against my name.
My ex, was unreliable and never provided for us. He refused to work, because he refused to pay maintainence to his ex wife for his kids. He was a charmer with a sob story and I fell for it, and then fell for him. One doesn't choose who one falls in love with, and had I known that he was a treacherous lying B@st@rd, who would smear my name with false accusations out of revenge at a later date, then I would not have got together with him.
He tried to make out that we had lived together for 7 years, to establish a legal right to contact with the kids. That was a lie which was proven, as he had lived at numerous addresses, where he had his own flat, and signed on the dole. We would go months, even a year and not see a sign of him. He would upset the kids by being nasty to me in front of them and then storm off in a huff, because I would not allow him to take them out, as he stunk of booze. It would take the kids months to get over an upset he had caused, and then he would turn up again demanding his 'right' to take them out alone, unsupervised, which they didn't want, because he had frightened them.
He subjected the kids to a forced meeting in the presence of a family court welfare officer, and during it tried to insist that I had 'posioned' their minds against him. Even when they made it quite clear that they did not wish to see him because he had upset them. He still refused to accept the truth out of the mouths of his kids.
I was raised by old fashioned parents too, and always thought that a man looks after his woman and his kids. I was very badly let down and betrayed, by more than one, selfish male ego maniac. They must have thought that my loving and caring nature would make me easy to control and dominate, but it didn't quite work out like that, for them anyway.
I know that there are decent guys out there, who will look after and protect a loving woman. I just haven't managed to bump into the one who is right for me, YET......
But I know that he's out there.....
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