E-Hell

Blandshire Constabulary's email system goes in spates. This week it has reached climax. This partly because over time, I gradually find myself on more and more mailing lists, currently numbering about eighteen. These include: All Response Officers; Response Teams; Blandmore; Blandmore Response Team 4; Breathalyser-Trained Officers; All Drivers; etc.

Today, I had emails about the following things (the word counts are approximate):

• Information on a new ASBO handed out to a local crook, 145 words.
• Photographs of villains for identification x9.
• Instructions to make sure all detections are logged by tonight, 469 words (there was some other stuff in there too, don't ask me what).
• List of officers with items stored in the property freezer, with instructions to remove them if no longer needed, 1498 words.
  
• Order to stop using the current stop-search form and begin using the new one, 203 words.
• Order to wait until 1st October before using the new stop-search form, 99 words.
• Information about the canteen's closing times, 65 words.
• Reminder of the dispersal order in place in the Porle Estate, 388 words.
• Information about a new law that is going to affect the way I police, 1092 words plus two attachments.
• Summary of the new law that is going to affect the way I police, 840 words plus pictorial attachment.
• Instructions to register for a course about the new law, with a list of dates I can't make, 420 words.
• Request to email some guy about problems we are having with some system, 75 words.
• A further request similar to above, but some other guy and some other system, 76 words.
  
• Description of the new procedure for handling charge/bail forms in custody, 661 words.
• Description of the new procedure for filing crime reports, 802 words.
• Attachments from the Federation explaining why and in what ways Jacqui Smith is evil, 2310 words.
• Reminder of what to do if our Airwave radios stop working, 199 words and a picture of something random.
• Information that Airwave radios will be going off-line for 2 minutes at midnight, 24 words.
  
• Weekly newsletter for Blandmore local area, 777 words.
• Weekly newsletter for Blandmore command area (slightly bigger than local area), 482 words.
• Letter from Area Commander explaining that we are expected to know information sent to us in email form and will be held to account if we don't read it, 112 words. This one had the subject line ***DO NOT DELETE WITHOUT READING***.
  

This is over and above the 50 or so emails I got which were specially for me, many of them telling me in what way I had failed to comply with one or other of the above.

Blandshire Constabulary can't afford to train us in person any more when important changes are made to our job. But rest reassured that they still have the money to pay people to send emails like these.

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