This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.


(All proceeds from Google Ads will be donated to the Police Roll of Honour Trust)

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The BOG Standard

I applaud the move by Greater Manchester Police to ban officers from cycling until a thorough investigation has taken place. Their decision is a result of a trainee PCSO being killed by a truck.

Personally, I think knee-jerk reactions are usually right, and would encourage all forces to follow my Guidelines for Health and Safety at work. You can't be too careful!


The Bloggs Occupational Guidelines (BOGs):

  1. Police officers should be trained in all the skills they will require for their daily work, including how to bend their neck on entering a vehicle, how to run after crooks without tripping over small hedgerows and how to open a can of coke without it spurting everywhere.
  2. As soon as you identify that an officer has a training need, as identified by seeing him falling over at work, sitting too close to a computer or dropping an item of protective equipment, the officer should be removed from frontline duty and re-trained. You should also consider whether other members of staff also require training in these matters and if so, ALL officers should be quarantined within the station until they are up to standard.
  3. Officers must not run after criminals. This has been identified as one of the Four Contributing Factors to Tripping.* A brisk walk should suffice.
  4. Please remember that a large number of work injuries are tea-related. Activities involving tea should be kept to a minimum.
  5. If anybody is injured in any manner whilst on-duty, you should immediately bar all officers from doing that activity until a full 1000-page Inquiry has been completed.

Watery areas should be avoided at all costs.

* The Four Contributing Factors to Tripping:
  • Running
  • Jumping
  • Climbing
  • Stepping
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright of PC Bloggs.

88 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent
Reminds me of:
http://inspectorgadget.wordpress.com/2007/09/03/nanny-knows-best/
j

26 September, 2007 13:17

 
Blogger Charlie Lima said...

Quality video, If that was me who got pushed in the river I'd have gone nuts! Hope they caught him!!

Ref the poor PCSO who died, if the force is going to ban every dangerous activity in the police we may as well stay in bed in the mornings and not go into work.

26 September, 2007 14:02

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tee hee bloggsy
scarily, i can see my force implemeting this words for word next week!

26 September, 2007 15:37

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is made all the funnier by being entirely believable

26 September, 2007 17:20

 
Blogger Sergeant Simon said...

Pity the poor sergeant who then gets lumbered with writing a complete risk assessment, complete with risk reduction strategies, regarding the potentially dangerous activities of the four above. And walking. I actually think there is one for walking. I haven't checked, because it would make me want to put my head through the computer screen.

26 September, 2007 17:35

 
Blogger busybizzie said...

Dangerous job we do

26 September, 2007 23:34

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

why did the lifejackets not inflate on contact with the water?

28 September, 2007 08:10

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pefectly acceptable, no chav involvement at all.

Just an upper class individual in a spot of high jinks.

I don't know why you are bothered about it.

Get on with your job!

30 September, 2007 16:20

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope you keep your pocket book more accurately than your blog Bloggsy - my mate's in GMP and is still cycling. They've only stopped those with less than a year's experience on a bike for a couple of weeks while they make sure they've been trained. Bit more dull than "barmy police force bans bobbies on their bikes" lol

12 October, 2007 18:02

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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30 October, 2007 16:13

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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31 October, 2007 02:29

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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02 November, 2007 02:48

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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02 November, 2007 17:34

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice Article.

02 November, 2007 18:24

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello all!

02 November, 2007 19:06

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks to author.

02 November, 2007 20:11

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice Article.

02 November, 2007 21:12

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello all!

03 November, 2007 10:43

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please write anything else!

03 November, 2007 15:22

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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03 November, 2007 16:25

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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03 November, 2007 17:25

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wonderful blog.

03 November, 2007 18:13

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

NS5rVs write more, thanks.

04 November, 2007 06:43

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Magnific!

05 November, 2007 03:36

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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05 November, 2007 04:12

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks to author.

05 November, 2007 06:03

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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05 November, 2007 06:35

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please write anything else!

05 November, 2007 07:13

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello all!

05 November, 2007 07:42

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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05 November, 2007 08:43

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wonderful blog.

05 November, 2007 09:14

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wonderful blog.

05 November, 2007 09:55

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello all!

05 November, 2007 10:38

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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05 November, 2007 11:12

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello all!

05 November, 2007 11:42

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

05 November, 2007 12:16

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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05 November, 2007 12:53

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

05 November, 2007 13:28

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.

05 November, 2007 13:54

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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05 November, 2007 14:59

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

05 November, 2007 15:31

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

05 November, 2007 16:04

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

05 November, 2007 16:35

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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05 November, 2007 17:05

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

05 November, 2007 17:38

 
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05 November, 2007 18:15

 
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05 November, 2007 19:01

 
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05 November, 2007 19:39

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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05 November, 2007 20:10

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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05 November, 2007 20:46

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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05 November, 2007 21:17

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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05 November, 2007 21:41

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.

05 November, 2007 22:09

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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05 November, 2007 22:40

 
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I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

05 November, 2007 23:08

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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05 November, 2007 23:48

 
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06 November, 2007 00:17

 
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06 November, 2007 00:57

 
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Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

06 November, 2007 01:28

 
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06 November, 2007 01:58

 
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06 November, 2007 02:30

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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06 November, 2007 03:09

 
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06 November, 2007 03:53

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Save the whales, collect the whole set

06 November, 2007 04:30

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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06 November, 2007 05:04

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

06 November, 2007 05:46

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

06 November, 2007 06:21

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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06 November, 2007 06:52

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

06 November, 2007 07:34

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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06 November, 2007 08:16

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

06 November, 2007 09:07

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

06 November, 2007 09:51

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

06 November, 2007 10:29

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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06 November, 2007 11:13

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please write anything else!

06 November, 2007 12:59

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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06 November, 2007 14:24

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

06 November, 2007 15:03

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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06 November, 2007 15:42

 
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06 November, 2007 16:12

 
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What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

06 November, 2007 16:57

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

06 November, 2007 17:42

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

06 November, 2007 18:20

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

06 November, 2007 19:09

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

06 November, 2007 20:00

 
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