Bloggs' Make-Up Tips.
Too many women nowadays seem to think EQUALITY means being just as good as men. This is a poor interpretation and unnecessary, when we can achieve just as much merely by being GIRLS. Here are my top ten tips for keeping up your girly appeal whilst doing a MAN's job:
- Never get up so late for work you can't do your make-up and hair.
- Make sure your uniform fits properly, especially following the extra poundage you are likely to accumulate after your probation and final fitness test of your career. There's nothing worse than a policewoman with two waists.
- Do not run after people - the sweat thing will frizz up your hair and that just won't do.
- Never wear your half-length fluorescent. Everyone will think you have gargantuan boobs.
- Do not wear your stab vest as a matter of course - just put it on to go to jobs. Struggling in and out of it in the passenger seat will gain admirers.
- Wear your hair just long enough to flick but not so long it can be pinned up. We do not want to fall into the trap of austere dominitrice now, do we?
- Try not to be seen doing anything manly like boshing doors or climbing stuff. If you have to, make a hash of it and get caught on the fence by your kit belt. Some girlish kicks and squeals will help at this point.
- Drive very slowly on immediates and scrape the panda's bumpers on more than one occasion when your shift are watching you park.
- Stick pink hearts all over your docket. This is a signal to all the guys on your shift that you will shag them.
- At the first possible opportunity, get yourself off shift and into an office job where you can wear attractive clothing/make-up and sit around chatting with the girls all day.
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