Let's get technical.

As a Woman, I am about to run the risk of an embarrassing faux-pas, for the lines that follow are about COMPUTERS.

Blandshire Constabulary is soon to join fellow forces in upgrading to NSPIS (pronounced "en-spiss", or in Blandmore "and-piss"). This magical system means that we will no longer have to duplicate information, type out files or send copies of charges to the courts.

The Home Office paid for most forces to join NSPIS, at a highly reasonable cost of £40m. They did this because the efficiency gained in police officers not having to type out files or photocopy everything hundreds of times would pay for itself in more officers on the streets.

Here are some of the benefits of NSPIS:

• Custody staff list all property items and "process" your prisoner for you (fingerprint, photograph etc). This will mean our suites will need three or four gaolers on at any one time instead of the current one. Naturally enough Blandshire has organised the recruitment of these gaolers in plenty of time and put money aside for them.
• The charges are sent by computer to the Magistrates' Courts. No doubt the Magistrates' Courts will install NSPIS in good time for the "go-live" date, despite no sign that they are preparing.
• The file is generated by NSPIS. Of course, as the circumstances will have been typed in by the custody sergeant rather than me, and will have changed since the arrest, I will probably want to update these before it is sent. I am expecting my NSPIS password and training any day now...
• The file can be sent internally straight to CPS or the Courts creating a "paper-free" system. I am sure that dozens of Wi-Fi enabled laptops with electronic signature pads are just about to be delivered for us to carry around taking witness statements. No doubt the courts will also overturn a recent decision re-emphasising that statements must be handwritten or accompanied by handwritten notes to show that the correct model of interviewing was used to obtain it.
  

But the best thing about NSPIS is that as Blandshire employed a shedload of civilians last year to do most of our file preparation and court liaison for us, it will have absolutely no effect on frontline officers whatsoever. Which is probably why the Home Office has now withdrawn further funding, leaving Blandshire to pay for fixing all the bugs and kinks with their shiny new system.

I can't wait for NMAT.

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