This is the official blog of ex-Sgt Ellie Bloggs. I was a real live police constable then sergeant for twelve years, on the real live front line of England. I'm now a real live non-police person. All the facts I recount are true, and are not secrets. If they don't want me blogging about it, they shouldn't do it. PS If you don't pay tax, you don't (or didn't) pay my salary.


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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

PC Bloggs Investigates... Gangs.

It is the end of the tax year and time for GANGS to evaluate their performance over the last twelve months.

We should expect the imminent publication of the Gang League Tables,
making it easier for parents to choose the right gang for their ambitious offspring, and failing gangs can expect tough measures in the next Parliament. In particular, I welcome the setting up of a Gangs Inspectorate to travel the country comparing and advising gangs on where they are going wrong, and launching Inquiries where necessary.

I think everyone is in agreement that we must encourage youngsters into the gang environment, where they can experience the rituals of job application, reference and interview that most will never go through again (unless you count this). Your teen tearaway will need three or four dark-coloured unappealing garments, a variety of offensive weapons, a loose grasp of the English language and a desire to be mean to people he or she has never met.

If your sprog does fail the entrance interview, as a back-up they can always apply to join my gang. It's the big
gest in town and we take anyone.











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Copyright of PC Bloggs.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

When you have all been degraded to PCSO status, civilianized and totally demoralized you will I suppose become technically just another street gang, maybe Tone's Gang.

01 March, 2007 00:17

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When you say that your Gang "takes anyone" I _think_ (from the experiences of a pal) that you mean:

"My gang takes anyone who meets the current politically correct quota of non-caucasian, short, non-native english speaking.... etc."

It is alleged, if not proven, that it is currently impossible for white, middle-class people to join the Met. Though, of course, UPPER class "fast trackers" can still join as Chief Inspector and wor their way up from there...

01 March, 2007 11:33

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Isn't it about time that the Government ensured that all gangs were registered so that rules regarding membership, weapons and behaviour could be enforced. I would start by getting the Scouts and Brownies registered which should soon destroy the street cred of the South Bank boys et al

03 March, 2007 17:14

 
Blogger staghounds said...

And your gang has slightly better medical and pension benefits. More difficult grievance and paperwork requirements though.

I always like to see those skating police in Paris.

05 March, 2007 22:27

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"we take anyone."

My dad, retired met, says that.
He remembers the days when you had to be able to spell to be a copper and be able to talk to a member of the public without being sullen.
These older people who are springing up in police uniform are able to do it, perhaps they should teach the youngsters how to commuicate.
Still, we get the police we deserve and we obviously don't deserve much.

06 March, 2007 16:21

 
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